Centrist n., A person who stays too close to the double yellow line and gets run over by traffic going both ways.
Communist n., A hominid species consisting of two subspecies: (1) Homo stultus utilis and (2) Homo politicus homicidam. The latter lives parasitically off the gullibility of the former, producing detrimental effects on the society of Homo sapiens sapiens. The life cycle of Homo politicus homicidam has three phases: (1) the pre-revolutionary subversive phase, in which it pretends to be democratic and concerned with poverty and injustice; and (2) the revolutionary phase in which total political control is consolidated through mass murder, mass brainwashing and universal impoverishment; (3) the phase of controlled liberalization in which the ruling Communist Party hides its political supremacy behind a mask of liberal reforms and international friendliness calculated to deceive the rest of the world into disarmament.
Conservative n., A person of right wing sensibilities with nothing left to conserve.
Democratic Party n., A party led by communist stooges whose schemes are focused on governing in perpetuity by granting U.S. citizenship and welfare subsidies to motley denizens of the poorest countries.
Feminist n., A woman trapped in a woman’s body; as opposed to a woman who likes being in a woman’s body.
Illegal alien n., A former victim of U.S. imperialism who seeks the enjoyment of extended victimhood by immigrating Illegally to the imperialist motherland.
Impeachment n., The attempted removal of a reality TV star from the Office of President on the grounds he colluded with Russia to win the 2016 election. The impeachment will succeed if the number of Republican senators blackmailed by the Russian special services is sufficient for conviction.
Liberal n., A person of left wing sensibilities who favors policies guaranteed to undermine freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and capitalism. Formerly, a right wing person who believed in freedom of speech, freedom of the press, and capitalism.
National Socialist n., An antisemite who does not bend his arm when he waves.
Neoconservative n., A warmonger who neglects his nuclear arsenal, ignores communist subversion at home, and wants to force democracy on Beduins and Islamists.
Nuclear weapon, n., The most powerful change agent in the arsenals of Russia, China and North Korea; not to be confused with the untested, deteriorated, unusable, defunct and dialed-down atomic bombs of the United States.
Political correctness n., A mental state produced by a noninvasive lobotomy. No part of the brain is removed during the procedure. Instead, the frontal cortex is damaged after being subjected to intense doses of nonsense.
Republican Party n., An apologetic party of the American alternative left, sometimes confused with the German National Socialist Party.
Russia n., A province of the Soviet Union despotically governed by Soviet apparatchiks who claim to be democrats.
Ukraine n., A province of the Soviet Union governed by a comedian who is trying to get the ruling Soviet apparatchiks to actually behave like democrats.
United States n. A province of the Soviet Union governed by a reality TV star who is accused of being a Russian agent by apparatchiks and provocateurs who are Russian agents.